I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
