i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
