You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize