It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
