My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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