Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
