So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
