Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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