I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
