the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize