the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
