Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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