I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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