We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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