i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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