He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
