i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
