so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
