Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
