Buhtt sex?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
