The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
