Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
