I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
