he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
