Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
