UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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