thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
