I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I sprained my soul last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
