I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
