it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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