I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize