break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
