I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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