I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
