My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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