I think i peed on brittanys purse
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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