The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
