I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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