You just made me feel so damn special
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
how drunk are you?
Several
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
