When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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