just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
