i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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