do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
