The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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