he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
