You work out of a Hotel?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
