Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
