Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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