I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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