These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
