1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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