I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
