Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
