just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
