My underwear smells like fireworks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
