Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
