I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
