I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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