It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
