At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
