I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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