the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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