Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize