just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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