Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
