i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
