Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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